Wednesday, October 8, 2025

Creation Thawing (A Poem About My Creative Process)

Creation Thawing (9/20/25)

It's easier to do nothing than something

So nothing often happens

It's easier to stop than finish

So stop often happens

It's easier to consume than create

So consume often happens


Such easy dopamine

The things I truly want lay on the wayside

So many choices 

The things I do make me feel like I am missing another


Ice creeps through my veins

So I sit in paralysis


So afraid of failing while creating

So afraid of creating something worth nothing

But perhaps the attempt itself has intrinsic value


So afraid of choosing one over another

So afraid of wasting that potential

But perhaps they can all be done, one by one


I'm afraid of wasting

I'm afraid of freezing

But perhaps I need only to try


When the ice starts to form

And my brain starts to short circuit


I'll heed those voices not

And channel this desire strong


I'll focus on a thing I want

And create it

Wednesday, October 1, 2025

September 2025 Journal Entry

Holy cow it's already October. 


Silksong

        Well, if last month was the month of Minecraft, then this month was the month of Silksong. I actually love this game tons. It was sooo much fun. Seriously so good despite my critiques of it. You can, ofc, read pretty much all my thoughts on it in My In-Depth Review of Hollow Knight: Silksong.


Scrabble

        Scrabble deserves it's own bullet point on this list. For some reason my family got really into Scrabble for a couple weeks. Playing it every night when Hannah got home from work. When Hannah got back over the weekend, I'd just be itching to play Scrabble. It's been great. We've still been playing it just not every day kind of frequent.


Wrote Tons of Other Blogposts That I Haven't Published Yet

        For some reason my blog-writing juices were flowing this month, so I wrote several different things. I'm not sure exactly why I haven't published them. I actually did a similar thing in August -- I have three blogposts from August that are almost done that I for some reason didn't finish/post. For now I think I'll chuck one up every week for a bit, idk exactly, we'll see what happens. But be on the outlook for those, I guess.


Family and Grandpa's Funeral

        My Grandpa passed away August 28th and his funeral was on September 13th. I had the chance to be a pallbearer. He is missed, but I know it was his time. I'm just happy he's with Grandma again and doesn't have to deal with a deteriorating body/mind any longer.

        Many cousins I haven't seen in many many years came into Fallon for his funeral. It was so wonderful to see so much family and catch up with various cousins. I feel very confident in the theory that that week, more descendants of my grandpa were in Fallon than at any other time.

        So much family meant lots of activities and games, ofc! Got to go back to our roots with a game of capture the flag and then some Murder in the Dark I mean Gardeners in the Dark (Sun! Sun! Sun! Sun!) Got to play some Mario Baseball --  it's seriously so good (and salt inducing). Played some Sarge's Army. Played various board games including Caverna, Bunny Kingdom, Crossfire, Spades and some other ones I'm sure. 

        I love my family, even those I barely know, and it was very good to have so many people here for Grandpa.


Breach by Twenty One Pilots Came Out

        Just remembered this also happened this month; wow, it's been quite the month. I love love this album and have been listening to it a ton. 

        As referenced last month, I'm really going to try to let this album sink in fully before updating my tier list. I will say this related note right now because I want to: This album is the hardest album for me to rank the individual songs against each other. There are 14 songs, and my 2-10 from the album is pretty much still all in the air. That #1 spot isn't super safe, but I think I have chosen a favorite. I also have my lowest 2, probably 4, figured out. But, like, seriously. It's so so tough.


Dropped off Ben in Rexburg, Swung by Boise

        Ben's now at BYU-Idaho without me 😭 But I had the chance to drive him up. Got to see a couple roommates and several people from the Smash scene; it was really nice.

        Took a 2-hour detour so I could see Andrew and Jamie and their new baby girl Addison. Got to hold 4 day-old Addison for about 2 hours and chat with Andrew and Jamie. Such a blessing. Love them all so much.


Job Stuff

        Took pretty much 2 weeks off from job stuff due to family being in town, Grandpa's funeral, getting to visit Rexburg/Boise, Silksong, and getting down on myself when attempting to do stuff. However, two potential leads came up. I have an interview with Joseph's company coming up in 6 days. And there's potentially going to be an opening at Thomas's company; we'll see.


Exercise Unlocked

        Spent a lot of time this past week building a work-out social media app of sorts for my family. Built entirely in google sheets, the base idea is you do exercise to get Sweat Coin and achievements (which also get you Sweat Coin). You can spend that Sweat Coin at shops to customize your page and make it look real cool. It's been a lot of fun to build, and hopefully it'll lead to more exercise! It certainly will for me.

        Just got the 1.0 version out today, but there are many other things cooking up that I plan on adding. I'm excited to continue to work on it and make it better:)


President Nelson

        President Nelson just passed away. I know he was a prophet of God. I bear witness of that. 

Saturday, September 20, 2025

My In-Depth Review of Hollow Knight: Silksong

Note: This review contains minor spoilers for Hollow Knight: Silksong including: references to all abilities gained, the names of a few specific tools (alongside some references to power level and abilities), the name of one area (alongside a minor piece of info about the area), the name of one crest, and a basic outline of my strategy for beating various bosses.

Part 1 The Cons: 

What Didn't Sit Quite Right With Me

Part 1a: My Issues With Red Tools

Red Tools: Unrewarding in boss fights

Here's the thing: The Red Tools are super cool. Hornet with a gun? Who doesn't love that? But, like, they lowkey took away some satisfaction out of several boss fights. 

Many times I fought bosses with a simple strategy: Fight with no tools until its final phase. Then spammed poison ladybugs + poison tacks (or other tool depending) and just cheese it. 

I just sat there hoping my tools were doing enough damager for me while I run away. It wasn't uncommon for me, after beating a boss this way, to walk away unsatisfied because in reality I have no idea how to beat their last phase. If I was chucked in their again without my red tools it would not go so well. It felt like I was unfairly winning fights, winning things I didn't deserve.


Red Tools: Unexpected Damage = Unexpected Finishes to Fights

Related to why using Red Tools in boss fights can be unrewarding:

A couple times this spam of red tools in the final phase led to instances where the boss dies completely unexpectedly, which is just kind of unsatisfying. Since my ladybugs are just doing all the work, or my tacks are just chilling there doing damage while I'm not looking, sometimes the boss just dies.

This brings up another thing is the fact that I have no idea how much damage things are doing. I mean, it doesn't take that to recognize that ladybugs are broken, but with various different tools they can sometimes blur and just feel like 'do damage button'.

It makes me feel like I didn't win the fight but instead my red tools did. Related note down below.


Red Tools: Circumventing Learning

There were a few bosses that I was struggling with and I would ask myself, "What should I do differently." And I answered, "I should just try using more tools." And so I spammed more poison ladybugs, and I would win. Even though I effectively played the same, because I clicked the no-thinking-damage-button more I won. Idk, something about that just doesn't feel rewarding. I didn't learn anything to win the fight. I didn't figure out more holes in the attack patterns or anything. I just used more tools.

Learning the boss fights is a big reason why they can be so fun. And Red Tools can just circumvent that.


Some Differences Between Red Tools and Broken Spells in HK:

My mind kind of pushes back and says "well it's just like broken spells in the first game. They're a easy mode button". Here's a couple things that make me feel like they're quite different, imo. 

1. I was still the one pressing the button. I was still the one to identify the enemy's position, determine that the spell would hit, press the button, and see the spell hit. When I chuck out a poison ladybug, I'm just running away. Not thinking about hitting the boss at all. This passive damage vs active damage feels so different to me.

2. It wasn't uncommon for people to play Hollow Knight without using spells all that often. Knowing how broken they can be with certain charms/upgrades is something not everyone comes to know.

Red Tools on the other hand are kind of impossible to avoid. I know some people avoid using them because of their cost (more on that down below), but I still think you'll find a whole heck of a lot more spam-tool-users than spam-spell-users, especially in a first playthrough of both games. This causes these issues to be more prevalent compared to any related issues that could be brought up in Hollow Knight.


Red Tools: Poor cost

Here's the other difference between spells and red tools: Spells cost soul, which is what you heal with. There's an inherent interesting cost to using one. Sacrifice potential health now for damage. 

Tools cost shards. Shards cost you nothing in the moment; the cost of using one isn't adding any dynamics to the fight itself. You sacrifice nothing now for damage -- and that 'nothing now' in a boss fight is all that matters. The cost is, ofc, time; you have to go farm some enemies and such if you use too much. But that doesn't affect you while you're just trying to finish off a boss you only have to beat once. 

Then when you do have to pay the price, it's unfun. At least I for one don't super enjoy grinding enemies. Time being the cost is not my favorite thing in the world.


Realization: I think the Ladybug is the brunt of my issues

The more I'm typing I'm realizing that perhaps my main issue is just with the ladybug. I love it and it got me through the whole game, but I hate it for all the applicable reasons I talked about above. 

Many tools you actually have to aim and use your brain, which make them a lot more interesting to use. That alone mostly fixes my first three problems I listed with Red Tools. (None fix the the poor cost, though.) And many tools do still feel like 'chuck random stuff out to do damage without thinking about it', but they're all definitely more thinky than Ladybugs.

Curious how much my perception of Red Tools is warped by the fact that Ladybug is broken. Curious what my thoughts would be in an alternate universe where Ladybug doesn't exist.


Part 1b: My Issues With Other Stuff

Other Tools, Crests, Silk Skills: An Overall Lack of Sense of Progression

There are so many wonderful neat tools of all three colors. On paper, I love how the Tool system can have all sorts of unique and interesting builds. And it's fun to talk to friends and family to see what their personal favorite builds are.  

My issue is, after I got a couple that I liked, every new one was kind of meaningless to me. 

Charm notches in HK fixed that issue because you kept getting neat charms to try and on top of that you got additional notches to actually try out the new charms. These charm notches meant you were literally becoming stronger (on top of new abilities and masks, which are shared in both games).

I commonly found that I just didn't care about getting new tools. Ofc a couple new ones I loved and swapped to, but most of the time they just sat in my toolbox. Several times I didn't even try them out at all because my spots for that color were already maxed out.

For red tools, I think this also has to do with not knowing how much damage things are doing, so I had little incentive to try out this new do-damage-button when I already liked my current do-damage-button. 

For blue tools, the spots were so competitive that many new blue tools I knew immediately would simply not be good enough.

For yellow tools, I always ran compass + dice, which left room for not much else.


I think the crests are so cool for the same reasons I said about tools. But I felt like it had the same issue but even bigger. The reaper crest was my first crest I got. I used it for the rest of the game with almost no exceptions. Getting a new crest was super cool because it was fun to see this other moveset, but I just pretty much went straight back to the reaper again and again. 

Same thing with the Silk Skills. However, in this case I did find more instances where depending on the circumstance I wanted to change up my silk skill. But still the fact remains: The first Silk Skill I got was the one I used for most of the rest of the game. So every new one didn't feel like I got anything at all.

This meant that whenever I got a new tool, Crest, or Silk Skill, it made me feel like I was supposed to be progressing in some way, but I instead held stagnant.

Specific note with the Crests and Silk Skills: The way you received them -- binding with cool animations and stuff -- is the same way you got the things that actually progressed you a lot in the game -- new abilities. This made the let down of the crest/skill not being impactful at all even more felt.


Economy

As many other people have referenced, everything did feel a tad expensive. I played pre-patch, so perhaps the slight reduction they rolled out is good enough to fix this issue. The problem here is that the fix for the issue is the same as the cost of red tools -- time. Overall I'm not too bothered as all it takes is running around a couple good farming areas for 20-30 minutes and you're good to go for a hot minute. But grinding out money is not what I want to be doing.

And, to be fair, out of the two options of 1. Having too much money or 2. too little. Option 2 is my preferred option. It bugs me far more to play a game and have the currency feel like nothing because you always have so much of it. I enjoy having to really pick and choose what I want to have most in shops.


Run-backs

I don't think small run-backs are a bad thing, but boy oh boy were some runbacks the worst ever. Bilewater, I'm ofc looking at you. 

I don't think they're inherently bad because I think a small punishment for losing is fine, but here's the thing: I want to my focus to be on this super fun boss fight and learning their patterns. Not on learning the optimal walking path that I have to transverse over and over again to get back to the super fun boss fight.

It made losing to various bosses so much more frustrating because it's simply a hassle and a half to get to fight them again. It often made losing a fight simply a frustrating experience rather than a learning (and fun) experience.


Lack of Benches

In a similar vein, in some areas it just felt like there were too few benches. It just felt brutal to be deep in an area hoping and praying for a bench only to die and have to traverse the whole thing again. Just a couple more benches in the worst offenders is all I ask; I think there should be room for that sense of terror of walking around every corner hoping not to die while searching for a bench to rest at.

Of course having a couple more benches would also help with the run-back issue.


Random Nothing Spots

It wasn't uncommon to find a hidden passage or get to a difficult-to-traverse spot only to be rewarded with a rosary string of some form. This just left me leaving those spots unsatisfied. I just wanted more for my efforts, I guess, Idk.

Side note: If they were to increase the amount given in these areas, it would help with this problem and the economy problem. On paper getting money should feel rewarding because money is so tight. But in reality it was just so little money that it didn't.


Environmental Damage (Already Nerfed)

They nerfed it already, woot woot! But golly, I hated being chucked into some pit or making a slight misstep and walking away clinging to my life. It just felt so punishing for something that felt like it should just be a slap on the wrist.

I actually don't super mind all the random guys doing 2 damage, though, for some reason.


Part 2 The Pros: 

Why It's a 10/10 Anyway

Part 2a: All the Little Things

(The title of part 2a is not referencing all the tiny details found throughout the game, but rather is referencing everything I list except the big thing, which is found in part 2b (which I left for last because I think it's the most important thing, and I separated out because I talk about it a lot))


It's a 10/10 because the game is just so gosh dang fun.

I honestly think it might be as simple as that for me. Sure, I can write however much I did about things that kind of bother me, but that doesn't mean I didn't have a blast practically the whole time. Obviously, yes, specific runbacks/interactions/bosses got on my nerves, but that didn't stop me from having a stellar experience (Side unrelated note: similar things could be said about my experience/feelings about Wind and Truth).

It's more difficult to pinpoint things that make the game as glorious as it is compared to pinpointing things that weren't my favorite thing in the world, but I'll attempt to name a few.


The Art

I think the game looks fan-freaking-tastic.

The Bosses

So many awesome boss fights. So many of them felt so flavorful too; more than just a random big thing you have to fight. Tons of fun move sets to learn and adapt to. The fights felt unique and individual as well.

The Enemies

I honestly don't feel like this is talked about enough. On top of the diverse set of bosses, there is also such a diverse set of normal enemies. It was super fun to see every new one I came across, learning and adapting how I move and attack ever so slightly for each one.

The Music

It's really really good. The Cogwork themes are my favorite, I think. And Lace's theme.


Part 2b: The Big Thing: The Movement

Left this for last because I think it's the biggest contributor to the game. It simply felt so good to control the character and to walk around the world. Specific walk-backs sucked, but once I got the hang of them, I felt so cool gliding by everything. I felt like a freaking ninja. When you nail the movement in a game, everything else falls into place. It's why Celeste is so so good. It's also a big reason why Hollow Knight is great. Silksong took the core of Hollow Knight and expanded it wonderfully 10 times over. 


I wanted to break this down a bit: 

Hollow Knight and Silksong share the following movement things:

Variable jump height. Variable Double jump height. Cling. And a dash.


Silksong took that and added the following:

Clawline:

  -Clawline on to wall.

  -Clawline into an enemy.

  -Clawline into air.

Sprint.

Sprint jump.

Float.

Floating in air vents.

Ledge grab.

Ledge grab jump.

Diagonal Pogos (or more normal or even more weird pogos depending on your crest).

Oh yeah, and the ability to Dash downward because why not.


Like, this game just added so much mobility and every single piece of it is a BLAST to use. It feels amazing. Because the key thing here is using everything in conjunction.


Sprint --> Sprint jump --> Clawline --> Dash --> Small Double Jump --> Clawline into enemy (because they made it so you can clawline multiple times in one jump if you have enough silk, which is so awesome) --> Double Jump again (because they made it so you can double jump again after not only pogoing but also Clawlining into enemies, which is so awesome) --> Quick float to get into position --> Diagonal Pogo --> WHATEVER YOU WANT IT'S SO COOL


Here's the thing, it's not like HK didn't have other cool abilities too. You'll notice a lack of Crystal Dash, Isma's Tear, and Shade Cloak. With the exception of Shade Cloak, the other two are primarily used for accessing new areas/spots, and that's it. Silksong's abilities let you do that AND make simply walking around and combat so much cooler. (Side note: I'm not saying HK movement wasn't good, as stated above I think it's great. I think it's does an exceptional job at a basic moveset. I think Silksong does an exceptional job at a more complex moveset)


Every time I got a new ability, it felt like the whole game opened up. Both in terms of places and the world, but also just how I moved around. It made me feel like I had no idea how I lived in a world without that power. I just kept becoming more and more cool at a natural great pace.


Which is another thing I should mention specifically: The pacing of getting the new powers felt so perfect. Right as I'm fully figuring out how to utilize one aspect of my toolkit, I get handed another wonderful tool to add to my arsenal. It's beautiful.

Part 3 The Conclusion:

I love this game. A lot. And it's making my love for Hollow Knight increase as well -- my desire to replay that game has increased a lot after finishing Silksong.

And I love that I love it. Waiting for Silksong was quite the journey -- and I only actively followed it the last year and three months. I'm just so happy that the game we got at the end of it is a game that I love.

Shoutouts to Joe for saying I should write an in-depth review for Silksong like this and for quite possibly the only one to read it all the way through and for being a good friend in general.

Part 4 Extra Stuff I Wrote then was Going to Delete But Thought I Might as Well Slap Onto the End:


I didn't originally write this all to compare HK and Silksong (although I ended up doing so in some minor ways throughout regardless). But now that I'm here finishing off this post, I thought I'd write a few thoughts.

For me personally, right at this current juncture, Silksong > Hollow Knight. I'm stating that I personally had an overall better time with Silksong than Hollow Knight, not necessarily it's a better game. 

Here are a couple thoughts as to perhaps why I feel this way:

Wishwells

I overall like the Wish Walls and feel they improve the experience for first time metroidvania players. They actively gave me specific things to do. Doing those specific things gave me natural reasons to relook through areas for secrets I may have otherwise missed. On top of that, they felt like a good mix-up after exploring new areas or fighting new bosses.

Sometimes I felt like they wishes were holding my hand just a tad much, but overall I liked them because they gave me some more direction. I feel this is one of the reasons why I originally bounced off Hollow Knight the first two times I played it -- I just didn't know where to go or what to do (Granted, it was also my first time playing a metroidvania, I'm pretty sure, so that didn't help).

Obviously this balance of guiding the player and leaving them to discover stuff on their own is a personal preference and is a difficult one to reach perfectly. 

Sunday, September 7, 2025

August 2025 Journal Entry

Minecraft

        Well, if last month was the month of Stardew Valley, then this month was the month of Minecraft. Actually got a server that works well (enough) to have a world with Thomas and Ben, and it's been a blast. Played a lot, did a lot of things I've never done in Minecraft before (get Elytra, Full Netherite stuff), made some cute little buildings, started up a couple big projects. Played a lot on my own as well as with Thomas and Ben. Unsure how much I'll be playing down the road -- for now, another game has taken my full attention (see next item).

A couple of my small cute builds that I like:

My Fishing Hut

My House with Ben's Rocket in the back (with a chest canopy thing to the left and a butcher shop to the right)


Silksong is Real!!!

        Silksong news galore. Much excitement. Release Date actually came. Heckin' wild.


Books

        Got to watch Avater/Korra while playing Stardew. My choice of activity during Minecraft was listening to the Wax and Wayne books. It's been great. Really need to make a Brandon Sanderson tier list. I realized just a couple weeks ago that I don't have a full one on my blog somehow.


Breach (new Twenty One Pilots album)

        The Contract and Drum Show, two songs from the album, came out and I love them both a ton. Makes me very very excited for the rest of the album (which I was already very very excited for, of course). It comes out on September 12th. Golly, I'm so excited.

        Full tier list revamp will be coming down the road, of course, but I think I'm really going to try to let the album sink in before making it. I've already done a bit of work on revamping the placements of songs from the other albums, though.


Stacked Smash Bros Tournament

        Went to a stacked tournament in Reno. Got a really solid win at the Prelocal, which I'm happy about. Almost clutched out another solid upset at the big tournament the next day, but alas did not. A few people from Rexburg came down for the tournament, so it was great to see them again. Got to play a couple money matches with Bronze and Rat from Reno -- two fantastic game 5 sets. Won one, lost the other.

        The tournament itself was weird because it was so stacked. I was seeded to go 0-2 and I went 0-2 and then my tournament run was over. So it was kind of anti-climatic. The pre-local was really good though because there was still a lot of good competition, just not as dense.

Dust, Java, Bulbapimp, Me, Ben



Had a seed of an idea for the Auzzy plot spot I couldn't figure out what to do with.

        Haven't tried working with it yet, but it's a start.


Google Data Analytics Certificate/Other Job Stuff

        I had a job interview of an entry level data analyst position. I thought it went well, but I just didn't have enough experience with a couple of the most important things data analysts need, so alas no second interview. But it got me thinking a lot about if I want to pursue more of a Data Analyst route instead of a Software Development route. For now I kinda think yes. 

        So I set a good schedule and went hard at work on the Google Data Analytic Certificate. All I have left is the capstone project (which is technically optional, so I suppose I'm done, but obviously doing the project is a really good idea). It was good. And it's helped me set a more clear route that I'm excited about to help me get a job.

        The route includes doing more things on top of my capstone project to have a good portfolio and also completing the Google Advanced Data Analytics Certificate. I think these things + an updated resume + (my current plan even though I know it'll be hard for me) working with recruiters, will make me very hirable and will be able to get me a job. 

        It's a lot of work that's not directly applying for jobs, so it feels a little weird -- as if I'm not making direct progress on the goal to get a job, especially considering how much time I'll be dedicating to those things. But I think it's a solid outline that will be good for me and will lead to better results than what I was doing before (lots of cold applying and not much building out my resume more).

        Plus, things like working on projects/certificate I feel much more comfortable spending a good chunk of time towards. Cold applying often got my mental state down in the drain after only 20-40 minutes. I stopped to preserve my mental health and just stayed consistent instead. And I feel good about my efforts in that department. But it feels good and really productive to be able to spend a lot more time toward job hunting-related things.

Tuesday, August 5, 2025

July 2025 Journal Entry

Had an absolute blast with the entire family in town. 

        It was soo good to have everyone together. Shoutouts to Hannah for putting together Hotseat, which was a lot of fun and helped me grow closer to my siblings. Got to play a lot of games with Andrew, of course, which was a lot of fun. Celebrated Heather's birthday (alongside various graduations). Got to talk a lot of Brandon Sanderson, which was awesome. Just a great week that I'm very grateful we all got to have:)

Stardew Valley

        Welp, if last month was the month of Monster Train 2, then this month was the month of Stardew Valley. 100%'d it. My enjoyment of the game decreased as the amount of hours I put into the game increased. Happy to be done. Sure, sure, part of me misses it, but most of me is just happy I don't have to hand out gift after gift (getting max friendship with everyone was definitely my least favorite part of the whole experience).

Avatar: The Last Airbender

        Been randomly having spurts of desire to watch Avatar for a long while now, and I finally acted on them. I knew a lot of stuff about it, but I hadn't actually seen most of it before believe it or not. Very very good show. 
        Started watching Legend of Korra after, which I knew way less about (all I knew going in was some spoilers about Amon and a minor spoiler about Bolin). It was alright.
        More thoughts on both upcoming in a future blog post.

Continuing my Job Hunt
           
        Overall, very happy with my consistent efforts on applying for jobs and working on some code stuff. Just going to keep being consistent at it and eventually opportunities will come.

Auzzy Update

        No update.

Finished the Mistborn Trilogy for the 5th Time

        Actually wild fun fact: The 4th time I finished The Well of Ascension (7/1/22) was 3 years to the day before I finished The Well of Ascension for the 5th time (7/1/25). It gets wilder than that, though, because it's also true about Hero of Ages -- the 4th time I finished Hero of Ages (7/17/22) was 3 years to the day before I finished Hero of Ages for the 5th time (7/17/25). I did not plan that whatsoever.

Taking a Break from Pickleball

        It's difficult to describe why, but overall I was just having less and less fun and instead growing more and more frustrated during play, so I decided to take a break. Have no timeline of when I might start going back. Idk, it's weird because on paper it should be fun, but while playing I found myself inexplicitly growing frustrated at simple things -- simple things that I should just being able to get over, but consistently found myself not being able to. So instead of continuing to try over and over again to just have fun and repeatedly not being able to, I decided not going for a while is better for now.