Faulty

I wrote this while I was on my mission, right around a year in if I remember correctly (November 18th, 2020, it turns out). I never really finished it, but it's not like there was any ending in mind in the first place. I decided not to post it at the time because the topic(s) I discuss aren't exactly what I personally wanted to be posting about while I was on my mission, but I've decided to post it in its entirety now. I made a slight grammatical fix and that's it. The Title is also the same as it was when I wrote it on my mission.

I like the thoughts I have here. It's some good stuff, and there's so much more to explore regarding it all; perhaps I will at some point. 

I hope you enjoy the thoughts as much as I do:

Sometimes (often a lot of the time, it seems), it is difficult to know what to write. Or where to start. Or how to start.

Often I find myself pondering far too much before I start typing; trying to figure out the perfect thing to bestow upon the white page in front of me.

Happens in journal writing too. I sit there thinking about what specifically I want to write about. Wanting the perfect words to describe what I want to talk about (but, of course, I first have to figure out what I want to talk about, which is an even more difficult task, it seems).

Words are faulty, however. So even with a topic at hand, it sometimes feels impossible to describe what/how we feel using words.

It just never seems to get it quite right. Or perhaps you want to make a statement, but there's too much history behind it so it would be difficult to explain.

Perhaps the words mean something special to you and the meaning isn't adequately expressed even though the words may feel perfect.

But also, perhaps, that's what makes it special. Where I say something knowing it has meaning to me. And that's enough.

For example, I ended the last blog post with, "Tchau tchau!!" It's a common way to say goodbye, but, for me, they have a special meaning. It's a way for me to remember those who matter very much to me, even though none of the people who currently read from this blog know those people.

Or even my use of the phrase "Words are Faulty" is a nod to someone special in my life. Perhaps it is only us two who understand the reference, but that is okay.

It means something to me, and that's enough.

I feel as though that's the idea behind the "kitchen sink" as discussed by twenty one pilots.

"A kitchen sink to you is not a kitchen sink to me."

I don't really know where I'm going with this. I just knew I needed to start typing in order to get something in front of me.

Right now these are just thoughts that perhaps aren't fully expressed properly. Like I said previously, there's always seems to be more history to inform people about that would allow them to understand fully the words which are spoken.